Holding my baby girl

Friday, February 18, 2011


Ouch you say?


You know that saying "I love you so much, it hurts"..? That's where my "OUCH" comes from.

Kyli is 6 weeks old today, and she is growing up and changing so much! I love holding her, talking to her, walking over to her swing to see that her eyes are wide open and she's just taking it all in... etc. I love it all.

I talk to Kyli a lot. I try to get her to smile, and to respond to my voice. She will kick her legs, open her mouth, look at me, and shake her arms. But no smiles.

When she sleeps, she smiles away... I don't know what she's dreaming about, but it must be good! What do babies dream about anyway? Mommy's milk? The good ol' days in the womb? Being held? All good things I'm sure.

But this evening, something happened! I'm talking away to her like normal, and she sneezes. I always say "bess you!" when she does. No, I did not misspell that. It's BESS you. When you are talking to a baby, sometimes you leave out letters, add letters, add r's and w's to things that don't belong.. etc. When she is older and more refined, I will add that L in there, but right now, I don't think she can handle it :) Nor do I want to say it, cause BESS sounds way cuter!

Anyway, so I proceed to ask her "my goodness Kyli, do you have allergies or somethin?" And then.... wait for it....



If I had a picture to post, I would! But I wasn't about to miss out on what I was seeing. I squealed and said "Ohhhh!!! I got a smile!!!"

Her smile did not last very long, cause as soon as I started squealing, she looked at me like I was crazy. I hope she didn't think she did something wrong, and that's why I was making a noise. My heart just leaped for joy and I couldn't contain my happiness!

She smiled at me one more time after that, about 20 seconds later. And then no more.

It is now my life goal to make this child smile. I will do whatever it takes.

Want me to wear a hula skirt with a plaid shirt and do a hip hop dance?


How about crazy eye glasses, a bow tie, and do leap frog around the living room??


Kyli, I sat here tonight while everyone was gone, and just held you and hugged you while you slept. I started crying because it is so overwhelming how much I love you.

I realized that six weeks ago, I was probably doing the exact same thing. And 6 months from now, I'll be doing it again. And 6 years from now...again... And then another 6 years from now... 6 more years... 6 more years. I will probably want to hold you when you're 60!! I hope you never get "too big" to hold.

I just can't believe how you found a part of my heart that I didn't even know existed. A part of my heart that you held the key to all along. So yes, baby girl... I love you so much, that it indeed hurts.

I've got an amazing husband that I know would do anything for me. Two incredible bonus kids that I count my blessings for every single day. And now, a delicate little baby that tugs at my heart strings and won't let go. How did I get so lucky?

My heart is full, and my smile is permanent.


(here's a picture of her royal cuteness on her 6 weeks smiley day!)
(Wouldn't you be a hula and plaid wearing hip hop dancer for her too??)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Hello strangers. Here is my birth story :)

Ok, so it's been a while since I've blogged. I know, I know... how come it's taken so long?? I mean, it's not like I've been BUSY or anything... How dare I want to spend my time cuddling a tiny little angel, than blogging! :)

I figured I would start this "Post Mommyhood" blog with sharing my birth story.

So the last time I blogged was the day before I was induced. I went to the doctor that day at 3:30. The doctor checked me, and I was dilated to a 2, and about 80% effaced. Everything was great and set for induction the next morning. The doctor stated that he didn't expect my labor to be long, since I had already made some progress.

Billy's parents, sister, and niece had come in to town, and we were meeting them right after the doctor's appointment. So we checked them into their hotel, and were deciding where to go eat. I told everyone I needed to use the restroom first before we left, and when I did, I became a little startled at what I found...

I was bleeding... A LOT. I had never bled like that before, and I started freaking out. It was about 5 or 6 by this point. I told Billy, and he looked at what was in the toilet, and was shocked too.

We decided to call the doctor and see what he would like for us to do. I was starting to freak out a little bit. I was afraid that something was wrong with the baby, or that I was going into labor at that moment. I mean, I had a SCHEDULED DATE to have this baby. I wasn't mentally prepared to go into labor 12 hours before I was scheduled to. How silly is that?

Anyway, for whatever reason, it took forever for my doctor to get back to me (which is very unusual for him). We decided to drive over to the hospital and check in. I sat out in the parking lot and made everyone else wait. I was terrified. Looking back now, I really don't know why i was so scared. But I did not want to go in unless the doctor told me to. He never called me back, and we decided to go in anyways.

So whenever I was checked in and on the bed, the nurse examined me and informed me that I was now dilated to a 4! The reason for my bleeding was because I dilated so quickly. Since I was being induced about 12 hours later, they gave me the option of staying, or going home and waiting it out until the morning. We decided to leave. I didn't want to stay in the hospital yet. It made me nervous and uncomfortable. We checked into the hotel that Billy's family was staying at (since our home was 30 minutes away, and the hotel was about 5). Thank GOD our bags were already packed and ready and in the jeep.

That night, I MAYBE got 3 hours of sleep. I was feeling a tiny bit of back labor, but they were sporadic, and only about 7 minutes apart. When everyone was gone getting food, I had a tiny melt down (ok, big melt down) on the bed with Billy. Truth is, I was terrified to go through labor. I had never been in the hospital before, and this was my first time at experiencing anything major. Billy, being the rock and the love of my life, calmed me down and reassured me that I was gonna be ok. He is so good at calming me down, and I couldn't have done it without him.

So we checked in at 5am the next morning. My plan was for a NATURAL labor, even though I was being induced. The nurse started to put an iv in my hand, and I started getting anxiety. I told her "can you give me that numbing stuff, so that I don't feel this??" and she said "oh you don't need it, you're having a natural birth", and didn't give me the DANG stuff!!!! I was not happy. She missed the vein the first time, and I started panicking and feeling light headed. The baby's heartbeat started slowing down, so they put the oxygen mask on me. You know WHY it started slowing down? Because I was holding my breath (on accident) and having a lot of anxiety over the iv. If she had giving me the numbing spray like I asked, this wouldn't have happened! She was the only person I had an issue with the whole time I was in the hospital,... and thank GOD, her shift was over in a couple hours.

So everything was fine and running smoothly. Even though I was on pitocin, I never felt a contraction. That is, UNTIL my doctor came in, checked me, and my water broke. At that point, I was dilated to a 6. Immediately, I felt every single contraction after that, and let me tell you... it was pure H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS!! I'd never felt anything like that before. My contractions weren't your typical contractions. I'd have one for a full minute, it would die down, and another one would start up IMMEDIATELY afterwards. And then I would get 1 minute.. maybe 2 minutes of rest, and then my back to back contractions would start up again.

It got to the point where I felt like i was 1) going to die, or 2) going to die. Maybe a little dramatic choice of words, but I was having that feeling that I physically wasn't going to be able to make it if this continued.

No one offered me any pain medicine, because that was what I had requested. I wanted to be the one to say that I needed something... not someone else.

The doctor came in, checked me, and as he was walking towards the door, he said "are you sure you don't want anything? We can give you a shot, or an epidural, and make everything more comfortable for you". I looked at Billy, looked at my mom (as she was crying... I'm sure it's really hard to see your child go through such intense pain), and asked the doctor about the different effects the pain meds would have on the baby. He informed me that the meds given through the iv would reach the baby, and she might come out a little woozy, and that the epidural wouldn't effect the baby at all.

I looked at Billy again, and he must've known that I didn't want to admit it, but I NEEDED something. He said "why don't we go ahead and get the epidural...?" After thinking for a split second, I finally broke down and said yes... I NEED an epidural. I heard "Oh thank God" from my family, and they immediately got me on more iv liquids that needed to be in my system before I could get the epidural. I was informed that it would be 20 minutes before the anesthesiologist would be able to administer it. That felt like a LIFETIME.

By the time the anesthesiologist got there, I was dilated to an 8 or 9, and did not care about any pain that was going to come from having a catheter placed in my spine. I was HAPPY to have it. I immediately felt a little edge off of the pain, and then my legs got tingly. The miracle stuff was working. I was in love with the good stuff. And Dr. Fox, you will always be my hero. Thank you for that happy juice.

I slept for about an hour, and then it was time to push. Can I just say that pushing was the best part of my labor?? I LOVED it. That's weird, isn't it?

At one point, I had Billy put the song "Push it" by Salt N Peppa on. I started doing a little head nod, dancing you could call it. I wasn't feeling a thing, and I was getting closer and closer to seeing my baby with every push. How could I not be happy???

About an hour later, I heard the most amazing sound ever, and my world was forever changed.

Kyli Brooke had entered my life.

I was in love.
This TINY little human being had taken over.
Kyli B was born on 1/7/11, at 3:43pm, weighing 5.8 lbs, and measuring 17 1/4 inches long. And yep, she was full term. My little girl is really my little girl.

And thus, I had officially taken a giant leap into Mommyhood.

I had skin to skin with the baby for about 30 minutes (which was pure heaven on earth and didn't last long enough), and everyone came into see this perfect human being that was just sent from God. She was perfect. I mean PERFECT.

And that, ladies and gentleman, is marked as another "best day of my life". I am officially a resident of Mommyhood, and I can't believe I waited so long to get here. It is the best place in the world!