You know that saying "I love you so much, it hurts"..? That's where my "OUCH" comes from.
Kyli is 6 weeks old today, and she is growing up and changing so much! I love holding her, talking to her, walking over to her swing to see that her eyes are wide open and she's just taking it all in... etc. I love it all.
I talk to Kyli a lot. I try to get her to smile, and to respond to my voice. She will kick her legs, open her mouth, look at me, and shake her arms. But no smiles.
When she sleeps, she smiles away... I don't know what she's dreaming about, but it must be good! What do babies dream about anyway? Mommy's milk? The good ol' days in the womb? Being held? All good things I'm sure.
But this evening, something happened! I'm talking away to her like normal, and she sneezes. I always say "bess you!" when she does. No, I did not misspell that. It's BESS you. When you are talking to a baby, sometimes you leave out letters, add letters, add r's and w's to things that don't belong.. etc. When she is older and more refined, I will add that L in there, but right now, I don't think she can handle it :) Nor do I want to say it, cause BESS sounds way cuter!
Anyway, so I proceed to ask her "my goodness Kyli, do you have allergies or somethin?" And then.... wait for it....
WAIT FOR IT...
If I had a picture to post, I would! But I wasn't about to miss out on what I was seeing. I squealed and said "Ohhhh!!! I got a smile!!!"
Her smile did not last very long, cause as soon as I started squealing, she looked at me like I was crazy. I hope she didn't think she did something wrong, and that's why I was making a noise. My heart just leaped for joy and I couldn't contain my happiness!
She smiled at me one more time after that, about 20 seconds later. And then no more.
It is now my life goal to make this child smile. I will do whatever it takes.
Want me to wear a hula skirt with a plaid shirt and do a hip hop dance?
How about crazy eye glasses, a bow tie, and do leap frog around the living room??
YOU GOT IT, LITTLE GIRL!!!
Kyli, I sat here tonight while everyone was gone, and just held you and hugged you while you slept. I started crying because it is so overwhelming how much I love you.
I realized that six weeks ago, I was probably doing the exact same thing. And 6 months from now, I'll be doing it again. And 6 years from now...again... And then another 6 years from now... 6 more years... 6 more years. I will probably want to hold you when you're 60!! I hope you never get "too big" to hold.
I just can't believe how you found a part of my heart that I didn't even know existed. A part of my heart that you held the key to all along. So yes, baby girl... I love you so much, that it indeed hurts.
I've got an amazing husband that I know would do anything for me. Two incredible bonus kids that I count my blessings for every single day. And now, a delicate little baby that tugs at my heart strings and won't let go. How did I get so lucky?
My heart is full, and my smile is permanent.
(here's a picture of her royal cuteness on her 6 weeks smiley day!)