PURE LOVE

PURE LOVE
Holding my baby girl

Monday, December 27, 2010

The All-Stars to this show...

Ladies and Gentleman... Please meet my 3 All-stars:

Greg


Chelsi


Billy

These 3 + me = FAMILY

As I was getting ready this morning, I was thinking about how this blog has been 98% about one person... Little Miss Kyli. Don't get me wrong, she's kind of a big deal, and she's gonna change my life completely. But please allow me to explain how Little Miss Kyli would not be possible without these 3 all-stars.

Let's start with Greg...

Greg is the type of kid who comes off as being a little shy at first. It takes a while to get down to the REAL Greg. But once you break through the shyness, he is about the funniest 12 year old I've ever met in my whole entire life. He's always cracking a joke, and has one of the cutest little smiles I've ever seen. And lets face it; the kid is a future heart breaker. Tall, blonde, light eyes, and has one of the most gentle hearts I've ever known. He is always so concerned with everyone's feelings, and wants to make sure that everyone feels comfortable. Not a day goes by that I don't get a hug from him, and it's probably one of my favorite little "Gregism's" that he's got.

He's very talented at football, but doesn't think of himself that way. What he is lacking in confidence, he actually makes up in talent (as backwards as that sounds). He is also a very talented artist. He can look at something and draw it without having to try that hard. It's amazing, especially to someone that CAN'T draw (like myself). I know that he will be successful in wherever life takes him.

He also has a very special way with kids. I don't know what it is about him, but kids are DRAWN to him. I'm guessing that babies (and kids in general) can sense when a person is just genuinely good, and that's why they love him so much. He makes my heart happy :)

On to the next All-Star... Chelsi

This girl is so so special. She's got a heart of gold as well. She is always thinking about others, and is probably the most polite 16 (almost 17) year old you've ever met in your life. Everything is "Yes ma'am, yes sir". She is a "teachers pet", which would make ANY parent proud. Her teachers are always talking about how wonderful she is, and constantly nominating her for awards that show just what a good person she is. She is INCREDIBLY smart as well. She doesn't give herself enough credit on how smart she is. She has potential like I've never seen in anyone... I know that Chelsi can be anything that she wants to be, because she is pretty much capable of anything.

She's got a little bit of a stubborn side like her daddy, but that is what will get her far in life. She's not gonna be someone to just sit back and let people walk all over her. She's going to be a superstar in whatever she decides to conquer, and it is because SHE will have worked for it and didn't let anyone take advantage of her. I know that she probably thinks her daddy is a little bit more tough with her sometimes, but it is because HE KNOWS the potential and awesome power that she possesses, and doesn't want to see it go to waste. My goodness, how did I get so lucky with a 16 year old teenage girl?? This girl is going to go places!

With everything she has been through, she has such a strong foundation. She is a christian, my friend, and also has one of the sweetest hearts I've ever had the pleasure of being around. I know that her little sister is going to look up to and absolutely ADORE her. Who wouldn't?? She is exactly the example that I want my daughter to look up to. I am so proud of her!

And last, but certainly not least... Billy

My oh my... this guy has changed my life COMPLETELY. He always has me guessing. Life has been one big adventure ever since I met him, and it's something that I absolutely needed. Before Billy came along, I was living a very simple... mundane... PREDICTABLE life. I was bored, to put it quit simply.

But as soon as he came into my life, I tasted this life of adventure and passion, and I simply couldn't get enough. He took my heart and held it... He held it hard. He wasn't going to let go of it either, (cliche, yes I know, but so very true). I've laughed, I've cried, I've screamed, I've LIVED. He makes my heart melt with every hug and every kiss he gives me. I have never been so head over heals in love with someone. He introduced me to Mommyhood about 2 years ago whenever I met his kids. I knew then that my life would never be the same. He rang in my year with a proposal, married me in May, and we are now hopefully finishing off the year with a brand new human being! Now THAT is a magical year, and not boring at all :)

I know that with him, life will always be exciting. We've made a life long commitment to each other to always keep life fun and exciting, and that's exactly how it will be. I know that he will be such a great father to Kyli, because I see how great he is with his kids. He feels such a huge NEED to have his kids with him. My mom and dad have never felt so secure with my future in another man's hands before. I'm constantly told "I'm so glad you have Billy... I know he will take care of you", and you know what? I think they are right. I KNOW they are right. I've never felt such love and strength as I feel with him.

So as you see, though this blog has been 98% based on Kyli B's arrival, and my "new adventure" into Mommyhood, I've done these 3 (and you all reading this, quite frankly) a disservice by not telling you where my foundation and strength has comes from. It comes from my 3 all-stars.

Sometimes life is a little crazy, and sometimes I wish that life would be a little bit more boring... But then I sit and think about how my life was before these 3, I realize that I am right where I need to be.

So thank you, Greg - Chelsi - Billy ... You've truly made me who I am, and placed me where I have always wanted to be a long time ago... Right here in Mommyhood :)

Sunday, December 26, 2010

A Christmas Baby you are not...

Well little girl... let me tell you a story of what you did about 10 days ago.

So your daddy and I were saying our prayer to you over my stomach, as we do every night, and when we were done, your daddy started talking to you.

My stomach was rock hard all night long, and whenever we went to bed, your daddy was talking about how my stomach had gotten softer. Whenever he started talking to you, he said "Now Kyli, we get to see you in 23 days... and then 22... and then 21.... then 20... "etc. Whenever he got to 13 days, you went CRAZY! BOOM BOOM BOOM!! Knockin him in the head...

So I said "THAT'S IT! That is when we will see her!"

We counted backwards on the calender, and 13 days from your due date is what day...? Christmas!!!

I was so excited. I had told you all along that if you would be my little Christmas present, then I would make every birthday JUST AS SPECIAL, as if it weren't on Christmas day. I know that people with Christmas bdays aren't that happy about them, but I promised you that I would make it just as equally awesome. I mean, who better to share your birthday with than the good Jesus Christ from above?.. Know what I'm sayin??

But alas... Christmas has come and gone. It was yesterday, and I'm pretty sure you didn't come then, so I guess we'll just have to continue to play the waiting game for you.

I do not mind though, because as soon as you make your presence known, then all the waiting will be over and I'll just get to hold you and kiss you and love on you like I want to.

1 week and 6 days left. Wait... isn't that 13 days? Hmmm... oops.

Anyway, Merry Christmas one day late everyone!

Monday, December 6, 2010

Paranoia Has Set In....

So I'm assuming all of this is normal. I've been having some CRAZY dreams lately about my little girl being harmed while she's still in my stomach.

Crazy Dream #1:

(fair warning, I have really twisted dreams on the norm, so these aren't that far fetched from what I usually experience).

So the whole family was going out to dinner. But for whatever reason, you had to climb DOWN this huge stone wall to get to the restaurant. I'm 34 weeks pregnant at this time, and I start climbing down the wall (idiot...) and for some reason, I get the huge sensation that I'm about to start falling. I can't quite grab onto the wall right, can't find foot holes, and I remember my hands slowly start to slip on the wall.

I start praying "God, please hold onto me... If I fall, I will die and so will Kyli. I can't lose her". And then all of a sudden, the literal hand of God pushed me over to the most secure part of the wall, and I climbed the rest of the way down.

I remember waking up in a panic, and MAD at myself for even attempting to climb down a wall while I was pregnant! I know it was a dream, but it felt so real, and it really haunted me.




Crazy Dream #2:

I'm 35 weeks pregnant at this point. I dream that my sister Heather and I are taking the train somewhere. Well, whenever we get back to the train station, we are walking back to her car and see this man trying to install something on the back of her tire in order to steal it.

So I get in the mans face (idiot... again.) and start screaming at him. He starts running away, and I start chasing him... (haha, you know this is a dream, cause who's really running at 35 weeks pregnant??) Anyway, he finally stops and turns around. I say "What, you gonna hit a pregnant woman??"

AND BAM! He punches me right in the stomach. HARD.


I woke up right after that, and grabbed Billy and asked him to hold me. I was terrified!



So what do all of these dreams mean??? Is it just anxiety that I'm facing, as I'm slowly coming closer to Mommyhood? If I had to analyze myself, that is what I would say is the problem. Maybe I'm just becoming scared of anything happening to Kyli. It's amazing how I already feel like a big ol' "mommy bear" to her... I would absolutely die for her, and I will do whatever it takes to protect her. I can't imagine how much stronger that feeling is going to be whenever she's actually born and I hold her for the first time.

Sorry this post is sorta depressing! We've got about 4.5 more weeks til our baby girl is here, and that is 4.5 weeks til her actual DUE DATE. That means she could come at anytime really and be fine. I want to make it to Christmas at least. That would be 38 weeks exactly!

And then, Baby Girl, you are more than welcome to come on down! (quite literally.)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

November 24 letter to Miss Kyli

November 24, 2010


Dearest Kyli,

I think about you ALL the time. How can I not, right? I feel you in my belly all the time… I look in the mirror and see you… I look down and see you…. You CONSUME me.
I can’t help but think that it will be exactly like this when you are born as well… I may not look in the mirror and see you, but I will see “Kyli’s Mother”. I may not look down and see you all the time, but I will think “I wish I could look down and see you every second of the day”. I may not be able to feel you in my stomach anymore, but I will continue to feel you in my heart and soul for the rest of my life. You, little girl, have become so much apart of me that I can’t imagine how I was ever not “Kyli’s Mommy” before you.
I think about how fast you’re going to grow up, and it makes me cry already. You’re not even born yet! You haven’t even had a birthday yet. But I just know that time will fly… All I can promise to do is to cherish every moment I have with you, and try my darndest to be the best mommy that I could ever hope to be. You deserve that much.

Maybe I will get to meet you in a month? When are you going to grace us with your presence little girl? That’s the answer that everyone is dying to know. Will you be here early? Late? Right on time? I’m not gonna lie, I’d prefer to see you sooner than later… everyone would… but my definition of “sooner” is 38 weeks and up. That’s Christmas day!! Can you believe it?? You would be the bestest Christmas present that I could ever ask for. Nothing will ever be able to outdo you being my little present. I know, I know… you’re thinking that birthdays would suck for you. But I promise, I will make your birthday just as special as if you were born on 1/8. ;)

I love you more everyday. Your daddy and I can’t wait to see you on your birthday, whatever day you decide that is.

I’ll love you forever,
Mommy

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Oh Darlin, Don't You Ever Grow Up...

NEVER GROW UP
by: Taylor Swift

Your little hand's wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light
To you everything's funny, you got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that



Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up



You're in the car on the way to the movies
And you're mortified your mom's dropping you off
At 14 there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your pj's getting ready for school



Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
No one's ever burned you, nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to, just try to never grow up



Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brother's favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone



So here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder that I thought it would be
So I tuck myself in and turn my night light on



Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up



Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
I could still be little
Oh I don't wanna grow up, wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple
Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh darling, don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple
Won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even though you want to, please try to never grow up

Oh, don't you ever grow up
Oh, never grow up, just never grow up



I now introduce, the new Rolling Stones poster child...

LOOK AT THAT TONGUE!!!

So the other night at our final 4d sonogram, little miss Kyli was not a happy camper. Mommy hadn't eaten dinner yet, and baby was NOT ok with it. We got lots of frowny faces, and she would not stop sucking on her fingers and toes and licking her arms... haha. Take a look at that picture... she was desperate and ready to eat anything that came her way. Since our last sonogram, she's gotten a little chubbier, and has lots of hair already. We go to the doctor on Monday and find out how much she weighs and kind of get to guesstimate how much she could end up weighing when she is born. I'm nervous, excited, and ANXIOUS!

I'm sitting here, watching "Baby Story" on TLC, and I have to admit... this show USED to freak me out, but now it just makes me really really excited. I can't wait for the whole experience. I used to think to myself  "I'm just scared... this is going to hurt, I've never even stayed the night in a hospital or broken a bone or ANYTHING."

I've now transitioned to "I just simply can't wait. I want to meet her and kiss her and hold her SO BAD!!" The thought of the pain doesn't freak me out that much anymore. It's a pretty cool feeling.

I've gotten a lot more sore throughout the week, and I know my body is just preparing itself for whats about to happen. 8 weeks and counting... wow.

I mean, look at that sweet little face... who wouldn't be excited to kiss that???

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

7 months down, 2 more to go!!!

Here I am, 7 months DOWN... 2 more to go... lets do this Kyli!

This month, lots of interesting things are happening with my body. I won't gross you all out with the details (as I'm sure some of you mom's already know about anyway), but I think something crazy is going on!

I'm so sore. I bet flies on the walls are laughing at me as they see me attempt to roll over in bed every night.... Or better yet, I bet they laugh as I literally roll OUT of bed in the mornings. Oh no.. there's no more "sitting up". Not for a woman in her 3rd trimester.

Billy and I started our birthing class at the hospital last Monday. Billy, being himself, is the class clown. I am the wife that sits there, smiles when he makes a joke, and then kicks him under the table.... lol. He is so funny though. He asks so many questions that I should probably be asking. But you can tell that he is a proud daddy, and I'm a pretty proud wife... regardless of his crazy questions and "hot tamale" references. I will spare you the gory details on that one...

Last night in class, we watched "the film". Yes, you know the one I'm talking about. The one that should be X-rated. It scared me a little, but not as bad as I thought it would. I guess I should get used to the fact that something actually has to come out of there, right? (tmi guys... like guys actually read this anyway.)

Now I am down to seeing the doctor every 2 weeks. This next week, we have a sonogram, and the doctor will measure about how much she weighs, and hopefully get an idea of how big she could end up being. Once 36 weeks comes along, I will be seeing the doc every week. This is going by QUICK!

I was looking at "pre-pregnancy" pictures the other day though, and I should kick myself for thinking "You're so fat". Seriously. I had no idea what "feeling fat" was... lol. I'm ready for pants that zip, running shoes, kickboxing, and being able to put on boots without holding my breath. (actually... I'm not holding my breath.. I just literally can't breathe). 

But MOST OF ALL... I'm excited for the arrival of my sweet little baby girl. I can't wait to hold her, kiss her, nurse her, love her, cuddle her, laugh with her, and see this new life just take on this world like it's no one's business.

Oh the places you'll go little one... Oh the places you'll go.


Pink Ribbons, and Bows, and Toes, OH MY!

Yes ladies and gentleman... My baby shower was this past weekend! I had so much FUN! I couldn't have asked for a better bunch of people to be there.


My Mom and sister Heather put the whole thing together, and my sister in law Kortney helped make the cake and gave me the fanciest diaper cake I've ever seen.




There were a couple of handsome guys that crashed the party... my absolutely handsome husband, and my adorable daddy.


Look at all that PINK! LOVE IT!!!


Ya know whats funny? Is I never wanted to be the typical "baby girl pink" mom... but it's like a bug catches you, won't let you go, and then all you can see is PINK! I'm pretty ok with it too ;)

The night before the shower, there was a cleaning brigade that entered our house... this consisted of my husband, me, and my bonus son. My bonus daughter was sick with a stomach virus (which we ended up in the hospital with), so she definitely was getting some much needed rest.

I woke up the next morning, and cleaned some more. Let me tell you... I don't know if I was "nesting" (probably not), or what. But I was cleaning EVERYTHING... And my body and back were making up for it. I'm pretty sure I overdid it... thus, I rested a little bit while others helped get the shower put together:


Ok, I did feel bad... but so did my back, legs, stomach, etc...

After it's all said and done, I got tons of cute baby clothes, diapers, bows, and some sweet sentimental things as well. My Yo-Mama (Billy's mom), made Kyli's going home outfit with a pair of booties and a sweet bonnet. That will be something that I will cherish and have Kyli pass down for her daughter.
I wish I would've gotten a better picture of it, but here is her outfit and booties:



This is my baby blanket that I came home from the hospital  in, that Kyli will come home in.. :)


My awesome niece Heather made these letters!!

I wish I had that talent!

We got so many amazing gifts, that I can't even remember everything. So THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone that came and helped make our day so special. This little girl is so lucky to have so many people love her and look after her already.

(p.s. after the shower, my husband took my bonus son to his football game. The kid played SO HARD, and their team beat another team that was 8-0 and had never lost a game in 3 yrs. However, bonus son got a CONCUSSION! So we ended up going to the ER for a 2nd time.... one kid one night, the next the other night. We were holding our breath that I didn't go into labor the next night. Three nights in the hospital would've been a little bit insane... and thank GOD, I didn't :) Lets try and stay out of the hospital for AT LEAST 6 more weeks... )

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Oh tests and games... at 27 weeks!

Tests you ask?

Well that would be the wonderful GLUCOSE test that is required during the 26-28th week of pregnancy! You know, the horror stories about how you have to fast....drink some nasty juice...and get blood drawn? All to check and see if you have this Gestational Diabetes (which, obviously, is a form of diabetes that you only contract while pregnant).

Apparently if you do test positive for it on the first test, then you have to go back for a THREE HOUR TEST (not a three hour tour, a three hour TEST) to determine 100% that you have it. And then after that? You have to go see a special dietitian and follow this strict diet til the end of your pregnancy. And then from there on, I'm not sure what happens...

So Monday, I took a half day at work and left to go take this test. I was under the impression that we were having a sonogram done that day as well, but was sadly mistaken somehow.

Did I have to fast? Nope... not before hand I didn't. So I just ate 2 hard boiled egg and a low fat string cheese... just so I could have some protein in me, in case I did start feeling weak.

Billy and I sit in the doctor's office for a couple minutes, and then they call my name. They hand me this orange colored juice that is maybe 12 ounces? Not sure.

"You have 5 minutes to drink this down".



The one thing that came to my mind was "hmmm... drink it quick, and then what? I am pregnant and I'm gonna need to pee, that's for sure." I was under the impression that I'd have to wait like 45 minutes after drinking it, but THANK GOD... I didn't have to wait! (tmi, i know).

We go in the doc's office, and he's wonderful as usual. Answers all our billions of questions that we typically have, and lets me know whats gonna happen in my next appt.

OMG! I FORGOT THE MOST EXCITING PART OF THIS WHOLE EXPERIENCE! (Besides hearing our little girls heartbeat :)...

I DIDN'T GAIN ANY WEIGHT THIS MONTH! Amazing. Seriously, the doc knows what he's talking about when he says "you need to walk, it will slow down the weight gain". No duh, right? IT WORKS!



Anyway, so after we leave the office, we go down to another office in the building, and I just sit and wait til 12:09. That approximately 25 minutes. I'm starting to feel a little bit woozy... I normally eat lunch everyday at 11, and so my body wasn't used to this waiting game.

We head back there, and just like every other time I have blood taken, I announce "I'm not good with needles, and they make me nervous, and I get dizzy".



They always seem to look at me like "you need to suck it up", but I just figure that I should give them a friendly warning and let them know what they are dealing with :)

He was a good little blood taking technician. He didn't hurt me, and I didn't pass out. Good job blood tech!

I get a call 24 hours later, "You passed the glucose test, let us know if you have any questions".

SUCCESS!


WOOHOO!!!!! Thank GOD! I was a tiny bit nervous about it. My mom had gestational diabetes with my sister, and we have a history of diabetes in the family anyway.

Sooooo, there's the "tests" part of this post.

Now the games part? Well my little girl wanted to play a game with me today, and I'm sure I looked like a fool while I was sitting at my desk at work.

I push my stomach a couple times this afternoon, just to see where she was at, and what do I get?

Kick..Kick...Kick...

So I push it again. In the same spot.

Kick Kick Kick!

I did this for a good 7 minutes, and each time, she would kick. She would only kick when I pushed or poked on my stomach, and it was precious!

So there I am, sitting at work, looking down at my stomach, pushing along, and waiting for a little kick to pop up on my belly. It made my day.


(wouldn't it be cool if that were a real picture? i don't think it is).

ABSOLUTELY PRECIOUS.

Thank you, Kyli B, for taking a little time to play some games with me. I look forward to playing with you more often in the future :)

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Look out world... We've got a cute one comin!

Our sweet little girl at 27 weeks

Oh little Miss Kyli, seeing you yesterday has made your little mommy more excited than ever!!!

We went to the 4d sonogram place yesterday, and left with some pictures, a dvd, a cd of over 200 pictures, and a ton of smiles on our faces.

I may be prejudice, but our daughter is absolutely PERFECT.

She has her daddy and sisters nose, for sure. And she's got the cutest little cheeks that are just ready to be kissed.

She's gonna have a head full of hair as well. The ultra sound technician said that she has never seen hair on a baby that was 27 weeks along, and then stops and says "Huh.... that looks like hair right there!"

She also said that she's got quite the personality. She's a little mover too... kept playing with her feet and legs and rolling around like a little acrobat.

That head and hair is ready for some bows and headbands and cute little hats!

We heard her heartbeat, and it was 158 beats per minutes. Perfect.

She weighs approximately 1.93 lbs right now. Little bitty sweet angel. 

Tomorrow, we are going to the doctor to have another sonogram by the doctor, and I will get the gestational diabetes test done as well. Hope that juice isn't disgusting!

But even if it is, it won't matter. I want Kyli to be as healthy as can be, so I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make that possible. BRING ON THE NASTY JUICE! :)

Friday, October 8, 2010

Kyli, will you sing this about me someday?

I was listening to my iphone the other day, and this song came on:


"The Best Day"
by: Taylor Swift



Read these lyrics... They are about the sweetest thing in the world, and I listened to it like 7 times in a row:




I'm five years old and it's getting cold

I've got my big coat on
I hear your laugh and look up smiling at you
I run and run
Past the pumpkin patch and the tractor rides
Look now the sky is gold
I hug your legs and fall asleep on the way home



I don't know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you're not scared of anything at all
Don't know if Snow White's house is near or far away
But I know I had the best day with you today



I'm thirteen now and don't know how my friends could be so mean
I come home crying and you hold me tight and grab the keys
And we drive and drive until we found a town far enough away
And we talk and window shop till I forgot all their names



I don't know who I'm gonna talk to now at school
But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you
Don't know how long it's gonna take to feel okay
But I know I had the best day with you today



I have an excellent father
His strength is making me stronger
God smiles on my little brother
Inside and out he's better than I am



I grew up in a pretty house and I had space to run
And I had the best days with you



There is a video I found from back when I was three
You set up a paint set in the kitchen and you're talking to me
It's the age of princesses and pirate ships and the seven dwarfs
Daddy's smart and you're the prettiest lady in the whole wide world



Now I know why all the trees change in the fall
I know you were on my side even when I was wrong
And I love you for giving me your eyes
Staying back and watching me shine and I didn't know if you knew

So I'm taking this chance to say that I had the best day with you today

6 months baby!!!

Look at that bump just a growin!

Well month 6, you're here. And tonight marks my last night of being in my 2nd trimester.

So, #3, are you gonna be as mean to me as everyone else says you are? Are you gonna drag on, or go by super fast? My bets are on the "going slow" part. The only reason I believe this, however, is because I can not wait to see my little bundle of joy that likes to do cartwheels in her mommy's tummy :)

Today, Billy's parents drove up in order to see the 4d sonogram that we are having tomorrow. We are so happy that we get to share this experience with them, and my parents as well! And some of her Aunt's and Uncle will be there tomorrow as well. She's already got a little fan club :)

I'm sorta nervous about this sonogram, and for 2 reasons:

1) It's almost like we're MEETING her in a way... I know that sounds weird, and she's got lots more growing to do, but we get a glimpse at the features that she is starting to gain along this little growing journey she's on. Will she have daddy's nose? Or will she have mommy's cheeks? All I know for sure, is that she is going to be absolutely beautiful :)

2) It's kind of like we're "cheating" in a way. Billy isn't the biggest fan of these 4d sonograms, and I sorta understand why now. He feels that it's like "opening a Christmas present before Christmas even gets here". (And ironic as it is, I could quite possibly have her around Christmas.... I will be 38 weeks on Christmas eve... CAN'T WAIT!") Anyway, I'm nervous that this will ruin the "surprise" of what she will look like or something. I know that sounds strange (just like #1 did), but it's just a feeling that I have.

We will actually get one more 4d sonogram before she is here... I'm not sure when we will go in again, but it will be a free one. So I feel like we will NEED to use it ;)

All I know, is that I can't wait to see her. Even being nervous, and feeling like we're cheating a little, I just can't wait to actually get to look at that screen and see my precious little baby. I think about it now, and I start getting teary eyed.

I just love her so much! I will post some pictures of what she looks like later on this weekend ;) 

Monday, October 4, 2010

Sept 26th Letter to Kyli

September 26, 2010


Little Miss Kyli,

Well, guess what your mommy, daddy, sissy, and bubba did today? We registered for you at Babies ‘R’ Us!!

It was certainly an eye opening experience. It was exciting, a little scary (not in a BOO! kind of way though), and overwhelming. It was exciting for obvious reasons. Alllll the things we are getting are for YOU and your arrival! I can’t believe it. Sometimes I have to pinch myself so that I know that this is REALLY happening! I’m having a precious little girl. You are making me a full-fledged mommy! That is amazing in itself 

It was scary because, quite frankly, I’m nervous because I don’t want to do anything wrong or make the wrong decisions. I kept thinking “what would Kyli want??” but it’s hard to answer that question because I don’t know what type of things you’re gonna like yet. Are you gonna like Pampers, or Huggies? Luvs? Who knows??? Or are you gonna wish I had registered for the “Dr. Brown’s” bottles instead of the Tommie Tippers? It’s all a little scary. I just want to be the best mom in the world for you, and I’m playing this little guessing game right now.

It was overwhelming because of 2 things: 1) I love you and want you to be here, and you’re getting closer everyday!!!! And 2) there are SOOOOOO many things that I didn’t even realize I would need. There were so many questions I had, and there were so many items to choose from. I just want you to have whatever you need, and I don’t know alllll of your needs quite yet. I know that this will come with time, and it will just come naturally. I’m gonna try my hardest to take care of you the best that I know how. You have my word on that!!


I love you endlessly,

Mommy

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Registering for a baby = EYE OPENING!


WHOA.

WHOA.

WHOA.

That's all I could think and feel when we finally decided to register at Babies R Us this past weekend. Is it normal to have a little bit of a nervous breakdown in the breast pump aisle? If so, then I'm a pretty normal gal.

We literally spent about 3 hours at the place, and we didn't register for some pretty essential things: a crib, glider, stroller/carseat.

No worries though, we already know what we're getting for all those things. We just plan on buying them ourselves, and didn't want to put that on the list.

I don't think anyone prepared me for how confusing and trying this registering thing would be. I mean, you're playing a guessing game the whole time... ESPECIALLY since this is my first baby. I have no idea what bottles she's gonna like, what diapers she's gonna be comfortable in, what pump to milk myself with.... I mean seriously. SO MANY DIFFERENT OPTIONS! I thought I sort of had it together, but walking in there totally changed my mind. I have no idea what I'm doing.

All I know is that there is a beautiful little girl growing in my stomach, and all I can hope and pray is that I am the best mother she could ever want or ask for. I hope and pray that I picked the right bottles, diapers, pump...etc. And I know, if I DIDN'T pick the right ones, then it's not the end of the world... she won't remember 18 yrs from now "mommy, I totally didn't want the Tommy Tipper bottle,... you should've known that I would want the Dr. Brown's one".

I'm overthinking this, aren't I?

That's normal, right??

We shall see. I've hit the 100 days to go mark... Can you believe that?? ONE HUNDRED DAYS. Where have these other 100+ days gone??? 14 short weeks.

WHOA.



Letter to Kyli: September 21st

September 21, 2010


Dear Miss Kyli Brooke,

Well little girl, you’re growing like crazy!!! And your mommy and daddy love you even more than ever!
The other night, you were kickin and movin around like a wild woman. You’re so active at night sometimes, it’s funny. Well, I say it’s funny until I can’t sleep. Your Papaw is always joking about “getting a switch” for you.
I’m so distracted at work. All I can think about is you, and I just want to shop online all the time for you! I look at clothes, bows, hats, booties, decorations for your room, etc. I can’t wait to see your sweet face, and give you the sweetest kisses in the world. I can’t wait til it’s just me and you at night, and I’m feeding you, and you’re looking up to me with loving eyes. That might possibly be the best feeling in the world. I do believe I was born to be YOUR mother, little girl …  I’m gonna cherish every moment I have with you. Please don’t grow up so fast!!

So I can’t help but think you’re gonna have the sweetest, funniest personality ever. I believe that everyone is gonna fall in love with you at first sight, and that you’re just gonna be so much fun! We’re gonna bake together, and read books, and get pedicures and manicures done with your Granna, and we’re gonna get Starbucks coffee too!  Well, you will be getting milk, cause you can’t have coffee yet ;)

I can’t wait to see what you look like. We’re having a 4d sonogram in 2 ½ weeks, and it will be our first little glimpse at what features you’re starting to get. Will you have mommys cheeks, and daddys nose?? Will you have a dimple in your chin like we do? Will you have short legs? (Probably so… there’s not much to work with in our genes). No matter what, I know you are going to be absolutely gorgeous!
I can’t wait to hold you
I love you endlessly
Your Mommy

Month 5... feelin good :)

Date night with the hubs :) Sportin the heels...Gotta keep it fresh.

So, 5 months now.... still truckin a long. I'm feelin great actually! Little girl is a KICKIN FOOL!!!

My husband and I wanted to celebrate my birthday by taking a nice date night, and end up at the first hotel we ever stayed at together. We got all gussied up, and had reservations at a restaurant in Dallas called Texas de Brazil.

AHHHHMAZING.

Talking about an "all you can eat" kind of place. It was so much food. Literally, it was hard to breathe after we were done with our meal. Kyli was happy I think. Or smooshed from all the surrounding food bits.

We went to the hotel, and just laid on the bed and talked and held eachother. We talked about everything we had been through, how we first started dating (my favorite topic of conversation!), and just took a stroll down memory lane. It was a much needed and amazing night. I will never forget it!

PERFECT!

The next morning, we went to Home Depot and picked out the color of the baby's room.

"Pink Ballet Slipper". How cute is that???
OMG, how adorable are those shoes?!??!

I just got REALLY REALLY exited.... as if I'm not excited already, geez!

We finally got around to painting the room. Guess what was on her walls before we painted them that wonderful shade of pink? Dark gray paint, and a painting of Buzz Lightyear... sooooo not girl-friendly.

We've got one more coat of paint to put on the walls, and then its done! Thats the hardest and most tedious part I do believe. And then next month, we're buying her furniture! IT'S COMING TOGETHER!

I ordered a devotional book off amazon.com called "Preparing my heart for motherhood". As soon as her room is put together, I will be starting this devotional, and I'll spend that time alone in her room, and, well... preparing my heart for motherhood. I think that will be such an inspirational and exciting time. I'm really looking forward to it! The baby shower is set for November 6th, and we're having it at our house... so I KNOW we will have it all set up before then.

Almost to month 6 now. I can't believe how fast this is going!

Letter to our KYLI

August 4th, 2010




Dear KYLI ,

Welllll, now we know who you are!!! Your daddy and I went to a regular doctor’s appointment this past Monday morning, August 2nd, and got to hear your heart beating. We called the sonogram place where we were scheduled to have our “Gender sonogram” with you, and asked if we could come in that DAY instead of wait 3 more days… (we just couldn’t wait any longer). So finally, we got to go at 1pm. It was awesome because both your dad and I, and your brother and sister (and one of Chelsi’s friends, Cassidy) got to go watch live pictures and movies of you in my tummy.

The moment the woman told me that you were a girl, I bawled like a baby! She asked me “were you wanting a boy??” and I said “no, it didn’t matter, I’m just so happy to know who SHE is”  It was an extremely emotional time for me. From that moment on, I was hooked on all things “little girl”! Greg, Chelsi, and I went shopping immediately after that. Your daddy had to work, so he wasn’t able to come. We bought you lots of cute little outfits.

The next night, August 3rd, my side of the family came over to the house, and your daddy (he’s so creative) put together a little presentation on the computer for everyone to figure out who you were. I will show that to you someday whenever you’re a little bit older. You will think it’s so cool! Everyone thought I was having a girl anyway, which is funny cause I only knew that your Papaw thought you were a girl…. I had no idea that everyone else thought the same thing. I couldn’t be happier!!! We called your Ma and Pa in Goldthwaite, and let them watch the video too… they were sooooo excited and thrilled that they finally knew who you were.

You’ve got so many people that already love you so much. You’re one lucky girl!

I can’t wait to hold you. And I can’t wait to take you to get your little toes done, and your nails done, and dress you up in the cutest little outfits.

We are going to have SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER!!!!

I love you endlessly,
Mommy

Month 4 and GENDER CHECK!

Bump is a GROWIN!

Ok, so this month, we get to find out what the baby is!!!!!!

We had our regular doctors appointment on this Monday morning, and we were of course excited! We were supposed to have our "Gender sonogram" that Thursday at a 4d sonogram place, and we ended up having a conflict with one of the kids being able to go. So we called the place, and sure enough... WE GOT IN EARLY!!! I was 2 hours away from getting to see what my little bundle of joy was going to be!

I was emotional, nervous, excited, and scared. What if something was wrong? What if we weren't going to be able to tell what he/she was? I can't wait any longer!

We get to the place with both Chelsi and Greg and one of Chelsi's friends, and we waltzed back to the room immediately.

I LOVE getting sonograms. I think being an ultra sound technician would be so incredibly rewarding!

Kids are excited!! Chelsi video taped the whole thing I think :)


Waiting...waiting...waiting...


Come on Baby Karnes... show us your stuff!!

ANY GUESSES??????


WE

ARE

HAVING

A

LITTLE

BITTY

BABY





YAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was going in, sorta hoping it was a boy, and when the ultra sound technician told us who we were having, I started bawling like a baby!!! (pun intended).

"Were you not wanting a girl??" is the first thing the technician said... Was I crying because I was sad?? HECK NO!! As soon as she said "I'm 99% positive that this is a girl", all my "sorta wanting a boy" feelings went bye-bye. I was just so overjoyed to know WHO I was having, and I just automatically felt even closer to our sweet little baby girl.

I could not be more excited!!! My precious little girl... I mean, seriously... girls are SO MUCH FUN!!!!

So what's the first thing you do when you find out what you're having? YOU GO TO BABIES 'R' US! DUH!!!! We bought tons of onesies, outfits, etc... It was so much fun! 

So everyone was coming over the next night, and I couldn't be more excited. We nixed the "ribbon/scavenger hunt" thing, and Billy put together this amazing video with the pictures of the sonogram and the baby, and showing all her lady parts on it. It was amazing. The family came over, and to MY surprise, EVERYONE thought it was a girl! haha... I had no idea.

It was an awesome day. We finally found out who our little baby was, and we could not have been more excited!!!

BRING ON THE BOWS!!!

July 20th Letter to Baby

July 20, 2010 (Tuesday)


Dear Baby,

Guess what I FELT TODAY?!?! YOU!!!
I was sitting at my desk at work today, and reading something very intently, when allllll of a sudden… ~thump~… on my belly! I knew it was you. I didn’t have to question it. I immediately felt all this love and excitement, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

You were letting me know that you are ok and you’re just growing and hanging out in my belly. THANK you for that!
I’ve always said I can’t wait to feel you move, and you did it! I’m so excited and proud for you. We also scheduled a sonogram for August 5 at 6pm so that your daddy, me, and your brother and sister could find out WHO you are. I can’t wait!

Everyone thinks you’re a boy (except for your papaw, but I think he’s just partial to baby girls anyway ;) ), and I’ve always thought you were a boy until now… I don’t know why, but I get the feeling that you could possibly be a girl.

We figured out how to tell everyone about your gender! After we have the sonogram, we’re going to have everyone come over to our house for some dessert. I’m going to tie a pink or blue ribbon around my belly with a little gift tag hanging off of it that says your name. I’m thinking about telling everyone that there is a clue in the living room, and they have to look around and find it. And then, hopefully someone will lift up my shirt as a joke, and find the ribbon on it. I’m thinking about having one of your cousins do it. Who knows… we shall see!

Well, I can’t wait to feel you again. I can’t wait to hear your heartbeat, (next doc appt is on August 2nd), and I can’t wait to see if I’ve got a little baby girl or baby boy.

I love you more than you know!
Mommy

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Well Hello Month 3

Whoa, is that pregnancy glow, or a lack of sunshine!?

So this is the month I FINALLY get to go see the doctor!!! I was 12 week along, and ready as ever. I don't know that I've ever been more excited to see a doctor before in my life.... and ask my husband, I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to doctors :)

I knew what was in store for this doctor's appt too. I knew that 1) I'd be having my first wonderful sonogram. And 2) I'd be getting a blood test... (womp womp womp....) <------I HATE having my blood taken or drawn. I hate needles. I hate all things having to do with needles inserting into my skin. (Wait,... I have 2 tattoos. Weird).

Anyway, so we show up to the doctor's appointment, and my adorable husband decides he wants to capture every moment :)


This is me, waiting in the doctors office... lol.

Where the excitement takes place :)

Waiting patiently for the doctor to come in. They are so good there... never have to wait long!

Oh Billy... he thought it necessary to take this picture too. The verdict folks? BP is about 100/60 every time :)

Filling out some more paperwork.

YES! The moment of greatness. Seeing our baby on the screen for the first time. I thought I was going to cry at this moment, but all I could do was smile. I could not stop smiling!!

There's our baby! And there's mom's acne'd up face. Can you guess what I'm having??

Proud Daddy :)

So after it was all said and done, we walked away even more excited! This was ACTUALLY happening!! We got pictures from the sonogram, and they are about the cutest little pictures I've ever seen. I still have the picture in my wallet :) (Yes, I will be one of those moms that stops you to show you all the latest and greatest pictures from her child's birth. Be prepared people! You will see them, and you will LIKE them! :)

Then it was on to the blood test. I had a lolly pop in my mouth the whole time, and I made Billy talk to me and get my mind of the nastiness that was taking place on my left arm. The technician that took my blood was pretty phenomenal. She didn't hurt me, and I didn't even get CLOSE to passing out! Thank you kind lady!

12 weeks seems like so long ago. And at the time, it seemed like we were going to have to wait forever for this baby to come. Ohhhhhh, how time flies by!




Friday, September 24, 2010

On to Month 2

Man... I remember thinking "I already look so fat!" when I took this picture. Hindsight is 20/20!


Well, month 2.... What do I say about you? (yes, rhyming was intentional).

Still hadn't seen the doctor yet. You had to be between 8-12 weeks to get in with the doctor, and I was going in on week 12! Talk about suspense.

For whatever reason, I felt like I was having a boy. I can't explain it.... I just KNEW I was having a boy.

(P.S. you can't see the "Baby" and arrow pointing down, but this is the costume/shirt that I wore to tell the families about our impending babyness :)

I remember being so tired this month! I was also an emotional wreck a lot of times.... I wasn't very talkative, and I felt like I had PMS a lot. Lordy lordy.... that doesn't sound fun does it?

One night, pretty soon after we found out that I was pregnant, I had an emotional breakdown. I was so nervous that something was going to happen to this baby, and I feared the worst possible thing that could happen in those crucial beginning months: Miscarriage.

I cried to Billy... I cried HARD.

My mom and grandma both had miscarriages with their first babies, and I know that stuff isn't hereditary, but that doesn't mean that you don't THINK it can be hereditary. You think all sorts of things, and worry all sorts of worries when you are pregnant. It's just what you do.

One day, I decided that I was going to just put this in God's hands. Should've done that a long time ago right...? Maybe save me some tears and sobs and save Billy a wet shoulder, chest, cheek, hand, etc.

So how do you tell God to just take over? You pray. You pray a lot.

I came up with a prayer. I'm quite the poet when the mood strikes me just right, and so I wrote it down on paper.

(Interesting side note: I used to write books of poems when I was a kid… that was a “fun” thing for me to do. I once told my mom “I can write a poem about anything! Tell me what I should write about”. She was in the kitchen, about to start cooking at the time. She said “write a poem about frozen chicken”. And yes, I wrote a poem about frozen chicken. I’ll have to whip out some of my mad skills on this blog someday…. You all would be impressed ;) And have a good laugh at the same time).

The poem/prayer literally took me about 7 minutes to think of and write it all out. It just CAME to me. I was speaking the words of my heart, and I was speaking exactly what I wanted God to do in me, and Billy, and our baby.

Our Baby's Prayer

Now we lay us down to sleep,
God bless our baby's precious feet,
Their eyes, their ears, their cheeks and toes,
God bless our baby as they grow.

Give them a heart as strong as Yours,
For our love for them now steadily pours,
Guide us as we trust in you,
And let us know that we'll pull through.

All these things we ask right now,
Show us your grace as we bow down,
Keep growing, Dear Baby, as we grow in love,
And thank you God for this gift from above.

Amen


Billy and I pray this prayer over my stomach every.single.night. We both place our hands on my tummy, and say it in unison. It's the way we end our evening.

After we say the prayer, Billy leans over to my stomach and just talks. Sometimes all he'll say is "Good night sweet baby, your mommy and daddy love you". Or sometimes he'll go on and on and just talk for a good couple minutes... (those are my favorite talks to "eavesdrop" on).

And guess what? After we started praying this prayer, my worries seemed to subside, and I was able to just be EXCITED about the baby again. I knew that God had our precious little seed in His hand, and that He was going to take care of it all. He was going to ease my worries, dry Billy's shoulders of my tears (for the most part), and take care of it all.

I literally do not know how someone that is carrying a precious little baby doesn't feel like the baby is a miracle. A miracle straight from God. How thankful I am to Him!!!

A letter for you, My sweet little blessing....

I decided early on that I was going to start writing letters to the baby. I wanted to write letters about anything.... big moments, small moments, what I was feeling, etc.

I still haven't decided WHEN I will give these to our baby... maybe I will read them when the baby is born and I'm rocking them to sleep. Maybe I will save it for when my baby has a baby... or maybe the baby will read all of this in thin air one day, when we have flying cars and computers are as ancient as record players... :p

Here's letter #1


5/26/2010

Dear Baby,
Guess what? Mommy is 7 1/2 weeks along, and you're about the size of a raspberry now. Your little heartbeat is ticking at about 160 beats per minute, and this week, you're growing hands and feet out of your arms and legs. You've got a sweet little button nose, and an upper lip that I just can't wait to kiss! You've got sweet eyelids on those precious eyes, and I can't wait to stare into them as you stare into mine. I'm truly in love with you!

Mommy is feeling very bloated and fat these days. I start thinking today about what I've been eating, and in turn, what you've been eating. And I have not been a very good mommy to you. You deserve all the fruits and veggies, complex carbs, whole grains, dairy, and lean protein in the world... Not the 2433543 grams of sodium that I've been craving every day, because "it's the only thing that will settle my stomach".
You also deserve a mommy that will work out... Because when I work out, it helps you get stronger, and you will have an all over healthier mommy when I introduce you into this world. There's no reason I can't go for a walk, or a small jog, a few times a week AT LEAST.
I've always been the person that believes there is NO reason to gain an excessive amount of weight when you're pregnant (if it is physically possibly not to do so). I've talked to our doctor (he'll be the first one to hold you when you make your grand entrance), and we've talked about weight watchers, and how the plan has the exact guidelines I should be following when I'm carrying you around. Please realize, that I am not trying to lose any weight with you sweet baby, but I am now more aware than ever that what I eat, YOU eat. You do not need a 6 piece fried chicken platter w/ potato wedges and lots of ranch from Buffalo Wild Wings. Although it sounds delicious, (and it was yesterday), I just simply cannot allow this to be a common occurrence anymore. Sure, I will get cravings for bad foods, but I need to realize that these cravings do not come from YOU, they come from my brain.


The doctor said that I only need to eat an extra 300 calories a day for you. What I've been consuming is probably way more than that, and I'm truly sorry. I already feel like I'm getting larger, (by the way my pants are fitting today), and this tells me that since you are only the size of a raspberry, I am gaining weight too fast. I will keep an eye on this from now on, I promise you that.


I love you more than words can say, and I want you to be the healthiest newborn ever. I want to be the healthiest mommy ever FOR YOU, and for myself, because that is what we both deserve.

I can't wait to meet you,
Your Devoted Mommy