Holding my baby girl

Monday, December 6, 2010

Paranoia Has Set In....

So I'm assuming all of this is normal. I've been having some CRAZY dreams lately about my little girl being harmed while she's still in my stomach.

Crazy Dream #1:

(fair warning, I have really twisted dreams on the norm, so these aren't that far fetched from what I usually experience).

So the whole family was going out to dinner. But for whatever reason, you had to climb DOWN this huge stone wall to get to the restaurant. I'm 34 weeks pregnant at this time, and I start climbing down the wall (idiot...) and for some reason, I get the huge sensation that I'm about to start falling. I can't quite grab onto the wall right, can't find foot holes, and I remember my hands slowly start to slip on the wall.

I start praying "God, please hold onto me... If I fall, I will die and so will Kyli. I can't lose her". And then all of a sudden, the literal hand of God pushed me over to the most secure part of the wall, and I climbed the rest of the way down.

I remember waking up in a panic, and MAD at myself for even attempting to climb down a wall while I was pregnant! I know it was a dream, but it felt so real, and it really haunted me.

Crazy Dream #2:

I'm 35 weeks pregnant at this point. I dream that my sister Heather and I are taking the train somewhere. Well, whenever we get back to the train station, we are walking back to her car and see this man trying to install something on the back of her tire in order to steal it.

So I get in the mans face (idiot... again.) and start screaming at him. He starts running away, and I start chasing him... (haha, you know this is a dream, cause who's really running at 35 weeks pregnant??) Anyway, he finally stops and turns around. I say "What, you gonna hit a pregnant woman??"

AND BAM! He punches me right in the stomach. HARD.

I woke up right after that, and grabbed Billy and asked him to hold me. I was terrified!

So what do all of these dreams mean??? Is it just anxiety that I'm facing, as I'm slowly coming closer to Mommyhood? If I had to analyze myself, that is what I would say is the problem. Maybe I'm just becoming scared of anything happening to Kyli. It's amazing how I already feel like a big ol' "mommy bear" to her... I would absolutely die for her, and I will do whatever it takes to protect her. I can't imagine how much stronger that feeling is going to be whenever she's actually born and I hold her for the first time.

Sorry this post is sorta depressing! We've got about 4.5 more weeks til our baby girl is here, and that is 4.5 weeks til her actual DUE DATE. That means she could come at anytime really and be fine. I want to make it to Christmas at least. That would be 38 weeks exactly!

And then, Baby Girl, you are more than welcome to come on down! (quite literally.)

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