Holding my baby girl

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Final Pregnancy Bittersweetness

Well... this is it.  

I’ve got less than 5 weeks until little man is here.

A few weeks ago, I started this blog entry, and I was all about how excited I am for this pregnancy to be over with, couldn’t wait 'til I’m NOT pregnant anymore, and how I’m so over this. It started off really negative (probably because I wasn't feeling well), and I just had to stop writing it because really…. I had nowhere to go with it.

And really, for the most part, that still holds true.

But now with less than 5 weeks left (4 weeks and 5 days to be exact), I am under the sudden realization that this is really coming to an end.

Never again will my husband and I sit and think “ok, we’re gonna try and get pregnant again”.
Never again will I pee on a pregnancy test, sit and wait the 3 minutes with my husband, (we always waited at least 5… wanted to make sure the test was very accurate, haha), and then scream for joy as that little screen showed “pregnant”. (And then pee on the rest of the tests in the package… we used 5 with Kyli, and 3 with Cannon J )

Never again will we have to sit and wonder if it’s a boy or a girl.
Never again will I feel the first “thump”, and know “THAT WAS IT! The baby kicked for the first time!”

Never again will we have a gender reveal.
Never again will we have a 2nd sonogram at the 4d place just to be SURE it’s a boy or girl ;)

And after this little boy is born, never again will I experience the beautiful miracle that is childbirth. The skin to skin contact, the first cuddles, the newborn baby smells, etc. It’s all coming to an end.
It’s an end to an era of my life that I will look back on and treasure forever.
(Why is this it? Because we've got a kid in college, high school, a toddler, and soon a newborn. We're pretty much covering all ends of the spectrum... We think 4 is enough). 
But another era of my life is beginning. I turn 30 in September, and I can start my 30’s off just being a mom. I can concentrate on actually raising my kids, instead of creating new ones. That’s a beautiful thing if you think about it. And I expect the 30's and beyond to be the best years of my life.

Side note: I have grown up and faced SO MUCH during my 20’s. Let’s see…

20 = got engaged

21 = got married (way too young people!)

23 = divorced (like I said… way too young). However, I met the love of my life the same year.

25 = Married love of my life and became a stepmom to 2 amazing kids

26 = gave birth to an amazing daughter

28 = quit my job, became a stay at home mom, fulltime student, and moved 2 ½ hrs away from my hometown and family (All within a few months. Quite an adjustment, and until you’ve gone through it, you really have no idea….)
… and now in 4 weeks and 5 days (or less), I’ll give birth to an equally amazing son at 29.
If that’s not a life changing decade, I don’t know what is.

But as I round out the final months of my 20’s, it seems only fitting to finish the era of my life known as pregnancy.

I’m looking forward to feeling GOOD again. I’m looking forward to getting my pre-prego body back (prayers for that one), and focusing on my new beautiful family of 6. It is not lost on me that when Cannon comes, I’ll experience all the “firsts” for the final time as well. And I’m sure I’ll experience those with tears of “bittersweetness”.

I have no idea where this entry is going except to just say that I’m facing the next 4 weeks and some days with a different perspective than I had even 2 days ago. I am looking forward to saying goodbye to all this pregnancy uncomfortableness… the “wow, you’re big” comments (people… I am 4’10” with practically no torso. There are only so many places a baby can go in this belly…  A 5 lb gain on me looks like a 10 lb gain on an average person... you do the math), the peeing every 10 minutes, the waddling, the restless nights, and the nervousness that all comes with expecting a baby…. All of that being said, I’ll be sad to never experience the beautiful parts of pregnancy again.

But even more so, I’m looking forward to saying hello to my unbelievably handsome baby boy, spending my nights rocking and cuddling him, listening to all the baby noises, seeing Kyli become a big sister for the first time and interact with her little brother, (I already know that Chelsi and Greg are amazing older siblings, so I’m not expecting that to change at all J ), actually seeing the scale go DOWN instead of up every week, feeling like a BEAST again while competing in running/cycling races, and being able to wear more than 5 outfits in my closet.



1 comment:

  1. It goes by so, so fast. Enjoy every minute of it. You will blink and they will be grown and gone. You will be proud of the adults they became but miss their childhood terribly. You will NEVER stop worrying about them and praying for them. The emptiness when they are gone does not go away. Your eyes will fill with tears unexpectedly when you allow yourself think about how much you miss them. So enjoy it, cherish it, and try not to blink!